Silver
by The Chai Addict
Summary: We have our secret, he and I, the one we can never tell. But it’s there, between us, alive. I don’t tell. Yet I think about it. Our grey love caught amidst the black and white. KxR.
1. Chapter I

You can't understand, he says as though he knows all. As though he's a god. Maybe he is a god and we've missed it all along. Maybe he's been feeding us hints like candy in hope that we might catch on—might _understand—_and then we'll become addicted. His essence. Quintessence. A high.

But there's a bruise on his face, next to his smooth green eyes. Eyes that have no luster, eyes that look like glass marbles alive in their sockets. It isn't a dark bruise, or particularly noticeable, but I notice it. I notice that he's still human. He's still himself.

You can't understand loneliness, he says again with an extra remark. But you will. The way it's said, the way he rolls the words from between his teeth, makes me want to understand, just so that we—he and I—are on the same echelon. We share the same odd bond of loneliness ironically together. Bearing the same burden. If he desires this, it's hard to tell. He's always been unreadable.

I tell him I want to understand. I don't say why. He smiles as if to pronounce Very Well, or You Asked For It, and steps in close. So close I get dizzy. I can smell his familiarity; it gives the world an extra turn. Now do I understand?

But something came before this. People don't just do this, naturally. He wouldn't out-of-the-blue tell me I can't understand. There's more. But not much.

---

There's something in my shoe, grinding against my flesh. It's giving me a raw blister, and I suspect sand is to blame. The sand seems to be everywhere anymore. Like gossip. They both cause pain. I think my face twists up in a half smile, Selphie stops gossiping long enough to demand to know what I'm happy about. Do I need a reason to smile? The silence goes on long enough. She starts gossiping again.

I stare out to Destiny Island, green and gold against the sea, a face looking up into the sky, searching. What for? Difference, I suppose, change. This reminds me of him, of what he always seemed to be looking for. Alteration. Modification. Transformation. Revolution. Completion. I wonder if he found it, that which he craved.

Let's go to the island, I say randomly. She looks at me disapprovingly. Selphie is all about maturity now, the strict dogma of adulthood in which butterfly spontaneity isn't openly welcomed. It was immaturity. She considers my offer, hanging in the air between us. Ethereally, ready to fly away the moment an answer appears. I almost wish it would drift on forever. Selphie's reply shows on her face moment before it popped out. Like ruined currency: no one wants it anymore, it has no value.

No, she says, somewhat disdainfully. I shrug. She may do as she likes, so she may like what she does. I give my farewell, and turn toward the beach. The sand tears away at me, just like her incredulous gaze on my back. She can't believe. I can't either. Someone is pulling me. My feet have strings.


	2. Chapter II

Are you scared, he wonders aloud. Night dances around him, coming on. Because of him? I'm not sure. Perhaps he's the one bringing up the moon.. It's shining behind, he looks like and angel with its glow around him, smearing about the edges. A cloud with silver lining. _My_ silver lining.

Why? I want to know. He seems out of sorts, unsure of himself or what he's doing here. Does he want me to be frightened of him? So I'll run one way and he the other? I'd like to hit him, to bring him back to reality where running isn't a logical option, where it's a fallacy of life, and I think he realizes this.

Good, he says, confident once again. I still want to slap him. Or touch him, my lips to his. He continues: You know what I've done, right?

I nod even though I don't know. He doesn't speak for a long while, I'm worried he sees my lie. Of course he sees. He's not blind and eyes can't lie. You can't understand, he says.

But now I'm talking in circles.

---

I arrive at the shore, Destiny Island winks knowingly at me from the glare of the golden sun on the water, teasing. A game. A breeze blows away from it, my hair, red as fire, follows eagerly. I hesitate, looking at the small boat moored against the mainland, as though expected to stolen. Or escaped upon. I may do either. I may do both.

But the water, it stares at me with so many eyes and grins, flashing its smile. _Come in_, it laps, _Swim. It's not that far._ I don't think on it. What good would thinking do but ensure doubt, root it into my decision. I wade in to my knees, my waist, my chest, my neck… It's cool, not cold. Liquid hands rumple my clothes, reaching in to my skin lecherously as my feet leave the sandy bottom. Somehow, floating seems more sturdy. More spontaneous. What would Selphie say now? Is she still watching? Waiting? Does she really believe that life is planned, from beginning to end, from exposition to denouement, from prelude to finale? Life isn't a script of characters, I decide, my arms pull me toward the next beach. One shoe comes free, sinking to its next story, not to its death. I send its twin as well. The sun hides its flush beyond a palm, its corona glows about.

Once you start you can't stop, he told me once, ages and eons ago. A lifetime. I can barely recall how silver his hair was, its length is short and long, but never quite right. As long as mine? Longer? He is a dream. The other, Sora, is a vision. I can remember Sora like he's standing, or drifting, ahead of me right now, every detail. But the more I try to imagine _him_, the more his minutiae slip away. He's in shadow, lost in my mind. He's pieces to a puzzle I can't fit together. He's a lock with a million keys.

The gritty foundation rears to kiss my bare toes, and I drop my weight down to them. The Island's shore. I can barely breathe, but I know it has nothing to do with the swim from the mainland to here. Funny. Looking back, darkness has already fallen there, springing upon the suspecting town that accepts its ravishing with anticipation. They've already begun to light their windows. The sun lingers on Destiny Island, though, giving it one last embrace before departing to other worlds. So many worlds that share the same sky, the same sun. Night and day are at war.

That same breeze has become a wind, I have gooseflesh when I rise from the water, dripping, and my shirt sticks wetly to my skin. It looks pink where it does, the color of my flesh beneath. I notice my plaid tie has disappeared, too. Oh, well. I look at the land, unchanged. Unchanging. Endless. Even though I'm here, this place isn't where I'm supposed to be. The ocean screams.

---

The woven pathways are still twining about the Island—on the shore, around the buildings, surrounding the waterfall. As I walk them, I recognize the melancholy differences of our long lost place, the underground seems were creeping up. Feral undergrowth slips up from the earth, and the wooden structures have lost their once almond luster. The wood doesn't shine anymore. I rest my hand slightly on the door that leads to the hidden half of the island. A second side that may or may not be more sorrowful than this. Its ancient vivacity flows in my fingertips and I'm saddened. Too much time has passed since my last visit. Since my friends disappeared. What was the point?

The sun gives in to the wake of the moon, and shamefully it bows its head beneath the crown of the earth. I watch its departure with fascination. Heartfelt. Longing. But the moon is so bright, like a silver coin just chasing away any other domination of its sky. Poor thing, its time tonight will be short lived; a full moon never lasts long on a wide night. Like foam in a brimming flute of champagne.

Our small safe haven, the bit of elevated land separated from the rest of Destiny Island and connected with an old untrustworthy bridge, still stands whole. I can see the crooked palm, and the wild flowers trembling in the wind. There's little color on them, as if it's lost its way in the shadows, and the pale lights gives off a dark, wraithlike glow. I start across the bridge, grey boards laughing at my lightly testing lover steps.

I gasp and almost cry out in surprise when my naked foot slips through an uneven hole, and nearly plummet into the white sand, but at the same time I realize there is someone out on our isle. Tall and wearing a black cloak with the fabric drawn up enigmatically over his head. Enticingly. My heart thumps in my throat. I can't seem to exhale. I can't even move.

It's _Him_. I know him, the way his presence feels.

I panic, unsure of what to do, rocking backwards and forwards on the soles of my feet, balancing on my toes. I don't want to be seen, damp and shivering, after so long. My hair curls passionately at the tips, daring me to act on desire. Do what I like so I may like what I do.

He turns to look at me.

Kairi, his voice, deeper than before, determines for me. I put my heart back in its proper place. He still stands sardonically with his back rigidly facing me at an angle so that he can look at me as much as I gaze at him. I force myself to become placid, tranquil. Like a puddle. But he seems to be the rain, drip-dropping and causing ripples where there were none before.

I can't stop the tears. I can't stop my feet of the silver strings.

_Riku…_

---

Thank you so much to reviewers, your comments were very much appreciated. Hopefully the next chapter won't be too long in coming out. I'm such a lazy person. And Leon Kennedy is my hero so I can't ignore him too much. Con crit is welcomed as well as anything else you may have to say! But be kind, I have a weak heart ;).


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